Chaplain Attached to Post

The following is the text of an unreleased Press Release from 3rd March 2010. The situation changed quickly and the project was left behind in the dust. It was good fun, so here it is:

University of Southampton students today protested their outrage at the proposed loss of chaplaincy services to the university by taping their chaplain to a sign.

Since the news broke in November last year that the Diocese of Winchester was planning to withdraw funding from university chaplaincies to help combat a budget shortfall, enthusiastic students have been campaigning to raise awareness and funding for this much needed post.

Although pledges of £5000 a year have been gathered by the recently set up University of Southampton Chaplaincy Association (USCA) and various funding opportunities are being discussed by the Diocese and other parties, nothing definite has been forthcoming in the three months since the budget has been approved, so today USCA members decided to raise awareness of the continuing uncertainty surrounding the continuation of the valued service, by attaching the current Anglican chaplain, Rev Simon Stevens, to the 'Chaplaincy' sign using gaffer tape.

A spokesman for the USCA said:
“This may look like another student prank to you, but it is just the tip of a very large iceberg. Every day we are discovering more and more instances of chaplains being gaffer taped to immovable objects by students who don't want to see the removal of an invaluable service. All it takes to stop this epidemic is one small monthly payment, the equivalent of one clergy stipend per year can save this poor creature from a life of misery. Please help to fund the post of a protestant chaplain to the University of Southampton.”

No chaplains were permanently harmed in the making of this press release.

The Time has Come, the Walrus Said...

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Mr Gaffer Tape gets some friends

Unfortunately, the original roll of Gaffer Tape had to be sacrificed to the great cause, though of course sticking things to each other is what it was created for, so at least it fulfilled its destiny, if only temporarily.
Good news! Mr Gaffer Tape no. 1 has been replaced by his rightful successor - Mr Gaffer Tape no. 2 (a roll of ordinary silver duct tape), who is now joined by a close relative, Mr Red-and-White Hazard Tape (who might look a bit like the roll in this link).
Watch out for these as you go about your business next week!
Coming soon - many colours of tape. And maybe a chaplain.

When the Plot Thickened

However, all was not lost for Mr Gaffer Tape, for barely had a day passed when some lovely people in that chaplaincy found a use for him again.

For those people were overflowing with creativity, in their desire to keep their dear chaplain. So strong was that desire, that those people did hatch a nefarious scheme...

Luckily for Mr Gaffer Tape, their plan involved 1 Chaplain, 1 roll of gaffer tape and 1 slightly precarious piece of signage...

Origins

So, let's do this properly and start off with the origin story.

Once upon a time, in a chaplaincy not too far from here (not that you know where we are), there was a forlorn beanbag, ripped asunder under the weight of a blond pedant. He swiftly indicated the flaw in its composition, and so repairs were ordered.

The obvious method for repair is, of course, gaffer tape. Gaffer tape being duly acquired, twas applied to the forlorn beanbag and it was soon once again rejoicing among its beany-baggy friends, in their newly-varnished home.

There is, however, a sting in this tale, for the gaffer tape, poor and forsaken as it was, had seen barely any use. It was a sad time for Mr Gaffer Tape.

A sad time indeed.

Something Wicked this Way Comes

Where's Yellow?


Or, more accurately, where will he be?


Only we know. But you will soon...


It's exciting. See you him soon!